Selective mutism is an anxiety-related condition in which a child who can speak comfortably in some settings, like home, is unable to speak in others, like school. It is not stubbornness or shyness.
With patience, low pressure and gradual steps, many children learn to speak more comfortably. Support from professionals who know selective mutism can help.
What parents may notice
- May speak easily at home but go silent at school or in public
- May freeze, avoid eye contact or seem stuck when expected to talk
- May communicate with gestures, nods or whispers
- May seem very shy, tense or stiff
- May talk with some people but not others
- May struggle to answer questions or greet people
- May feel upset or ashamed about not speaking
- May have other anxiety or speech and language needs
Seeing some of these does not mean your child has this condition. Only a qualified professional can diagnose.
Strengths worth noticing
- Observant and thoughtful
- Sensitive to others' feelings
- Expressive in other ways like art or writing
- Often warm with trusted people
- Brave when given time and safety
What often helps at home
- Reduce pressure to speak and never force or bribe
- Praise any kind of communication
- Let them respond with nods, gestures or writing at first
- Gradually expand comfortable speaking situations
- Arrange low-pressure playdates with one friend
- Keep calm and avoid labeling them as shy in front of them
- Work with professionals who know anxiety and mutism
- Build a plan with school staff
At school
Show school tips
- Nonverbal ways to take part
- Gradual, supported steps toward speaking
- No cold-calling
- Teachers who understand the condition
- Small-group or one-on-one opportunities
Myths vs. reality
Show myths and reality
Myth: The child is just shy.
Reality: Selective mutism is more than shyness; it is an anxiety-related condition.
Reality: Selective mutism is more than shyness; it is an anxiety-related condition.
Myth: They are being stubborn or manipulative.
Reality: Kids cannot speak when they are very anxious, even if they want to.
Reality: Kids cannot speak when they are very anxious, even if they want to.
Myth: They will grow out of it by themselves.
Reality: Some improve, but support helps and early help is best.
Reality: Some improve, but support helps and early help is best.
When to talk to a professional
- Your child consistently does not speak in certain settings, such as school
- The silence has lasted more than a month
- Your child's worry affects friends or learning
- You want a speech-language or mental health evaluation
- You need help creating a school plan
If your child ever talks about hurting themselves or others, contact their clinician right away, or call or text 988 (US). In an emergency call 911. We are not licensed professionals; this page is general educational information and our best practical thinking, not medical advice.